Those Damn Blue Eyes
by JjRavenclawFromDistrict11
Summary: SEQUAL to "Those Damn Brown Eyes". It's time for Freddie Benson to leave for college at M.I.T. He put it off a year in hopes that he'd find a reason to keep Sam Puckett a little closer, but Sam still doesn't know what she wants to do with her future. How will Freddie cope with Sam's absence? Updates every Sunday!
1. Dear Diary

**A/N: This is kind of like a prologue, so the rest of the chapters will take place a while after this one. **

…

_Dear Diary _

…

This isn't a diary. Diaries are for girls, which I am not.

This is a JOURNAL. Just something I'll use to jot my thoughts down in from time to time. It's NOT, I repeat, NOT a diary. This is a journal.

Alright, now that we've made that distinction clear, I'd also like to clarify that this wasn't even my idea. Sam- my girlfriend- suggested it.

Well, actually I lost a bet. I've got to do this for a year now.

Anyways…

Today kind of sucked, to be honest. I had to say goodbye to one of the best friends I've ever had. Not to mention, it made my girlfriend unhappy, which resulted in a really dumb bet that… well, you know.

Carly, who I've known for something like 10 years, left for college today. She doesn't have the funds to go anywhere really grand, but Carls is pretty smart. She got about half her tuition paid for so she got to go to one of her top picks, which, unfortunately for the rest of us, is in Florida. She says she's gonna go into broadcasting, but, knowing Carly, she'll have a different ambition in a few months.

It was really hard to see her go. Sam and I went to the airport with her and Sam kept blinking really fast and her eyes were glassed over, which is a really bad thing- for me, at least. An emotional Sam is a bomb waiting to go off.

Anyway, I helped her with most of her luggage, and we kept her company while she waited to check it in. We couldn't go past security and as we stood there not wanting to say goodbye, Carly completely lost it. She burst into tears and hugged us so tight I felt certain my ribs were splintering. This caused Sam to lose control as well, so I was stuck between two crying females- a guy's worst nightmare. It isn't like I wasn't totally bummed out that Carly had to go, I just focused on being happy for her instead of pitying myself. So there I was, trying to diffuse the rampant emotions of Sam and Carly, who didn't often cry in front of me, let alone in public.

I said something like, "Come on ladies, how about one more of T-Bo's smoothies?"

That only made things worse. In a matter of minutes, I was standing next to two crying, inconsolable girls, completely confused as to what I could do. After blushing under the not-so-inconspicuous glances from curious onlookers, I grabbed Sam's arm and did the only thing I could think of; I kissed her.

She was furious, of course.

"Freddie, how can you kiss me when… when Carly's LEAVING?" she cried.

I looked up, silently asking God to just kill me now, before this continues. This, however, did not happen.

Carly hugged me rather suddenly and said, "You're right, Freddie; I've got to get going. You guys have each other and you'll be happy together and…" she sniffed, "This isn't forever. I'll see you guys in a few months."

I didn't remember saying any of those things, but I nodded and squeezed her slight frame before pulling back. Sam was standing there glaring at me, and I thought to myself, UH OH.

Sam reserved her anger for about five minutes while we said our last goodbyes to Carly and left the Seattle airport. Then she began her assault.

"How could you let me lose control in front of all those people?" she screeched. "I looked so… SOFT! God, I looked so frickin' soft… I'm a marshmallow!" she concluded despairingly.

I sighed.

She scowled.

"Sam, it's not gonna kill you to have a couple of people stare." I reasoned. "We've been good friends with Carly for a long time and it's okay to be a little… soft."

Her expression remained murderous.

"Hey, I tried, okay? You wouldn't pay any attention to me. It isn't my fault!" I protested.

Sam looked slightly less angry and, oddly, kind of disappointed.

"I can't believe you weren't upset. She was our BEST FRIEND, Freddie, and you just stood there", she mumbled.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed again.

"I'm just better at controlling my emotions, I guess. And I don't cry."

I glanced at her expression and recalled a few instances where my face might have been described as "tearful".

"Well, not unless something really BAD has happened. Carly's going off to college, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I mean, it sucks that we aren't all together, but we'll see her soon."

Now Sam had an evil glint in her eyes and a mischievous smile on her face.

"I bet I can get those tear ducts a-flowing."

I groaned.

"I thought we weren't doing bets any more."

"That was for Carly's sake."

"Fine. Terms?"

"If you're eyes leak before 8:00 tonight, I win and you have to… journal your FEELINGS for a year. If not… I don't know… what do you want?"

I shrugged.

"I dunno. A kiss?"

She nodded.

"If you manage to not cry, I will kiss you like you've never been kissed before."

She stuck out her hand, and the deal was made.

Throughout the day, she tried her best to make me cry, making me watch sad movies and chop onions. Finally, around 7:45, it looked like she'd given up. I suppose it's my fault for letting my guard down.

I was sprawled out on the couch, reading, and Sam strolled over next to me. She was shifting back and forth on her feet and I finally looked back at her.

"Can I help you?" I asked irritably.

And then Sam sprayed me with Mace.

I started yelling obscenities and my tear ducts worked furiously to clean the horrible stuff out of my eyes so I could see again.

"HA! I won!" Sam yelled triumphantly.

I tried to glare at her, but my eyes were stinging so bad, I couldn't.

Still, I suppose it wasn't all bad.

Sam gave me a bright pink notebook with the word "DIARY" on the front on girly writing. I told her I'd use one of my own choosing, as that wasn't part of the bet.

She then reminded me that my eyes leaked, but I did not exactly cry, so I was entitled to one unforgettable kiss. And it was definitely was unforgettable. It was more of a make out session than a kiss, but damn, it was amazing. It confounds me how someone like Sam would ever go out with me. I am a very plain guy with boring brown hair and brown eyes, not particularly tall or muscular in any way. Complately unremarkable.

Sam, on the other hand, is the most beautiful creature to walk the earth. Her hair is like a snowy gold, rather light in color, but also rich and precious. It falls in long, thick curls that are softer than down. Her body- Oh God. It's amazing. She's got curves in all the right places and she fits just right against me. But I haven't even gotten to her eyes. They are the most extraordinary shade of blue. It reminds me of the ocean, not the deep teal of the open water, but the foamy grey-blue of the waves crashing down. Her eyes are both sky and sea, and I never get tired of looking at them. This may sound sappy, but they say the eyes are a window to the soul, and with Sam I can understand that. By looking into her eyes, I can always gauge her feelings, what she really wants and needs from me. I think it's made me a better boyfriend.

Those damn blue eyes, the woman in them, that's the only thing I know I would fight for. Sam is the love of my life. I never want to say goodbye to her, and I will fight like hell to make sure I never have to.


	2. One Year of Forgetfulness Later,,,

_One Year of Forgetfulness Later…_

…

Alright. Well, I completely forgot about this whole journaling thing I was supposed to do. That bet, saying goodbye to Carly, that all happened like a year ago. I sort of shoved this dumb thing under my mattress and didn't think about it again until Sam mentioned it today. Even though it's been a year, I only wrote a day's worth of entries, so I've still got three hundred and sixty-two entries after this one. Oh goody.

Here's a summary of what happened this year:

SAM.

And that's it.

Sam and I have just been hanging out, going on dates, and stuff. I've been trying to find a valid reason to take her with me when I go to M.I.T. in a few weeks, but the idea really doesn't make sense. Even though we'll miss each other like crazy, Sam still can't decide what it is she wants to do for the rest of her life, only that she wants to do it with me.

To be honest, that scares me. I wish Sam had an ambition that I could encourage, because I really don't know how to help her nowadays. After the whole Max/pregnancy fiasco **(A/N: Those Damn Brown Eyes)**, Sam was really broken down and I helped her get back up. We took it slow, and I think that was good for her, but I worry about what might happen when I'm not here to take care of her.

Not that Sam is defenseless or weak. She's a really tough girl, and anyone who's met her will tell you so. It's just that Sam is kind of alone. Her mom is never around and neither is her sister. Without Carly or I, she'll be all by herself. Sure, Spencer's still there, but he is kind of hit-and-miss; you never know whether he's gonna be around or not. Actually, Spencer might not be in Seattle for much longer. He got a really amazing job offer from the east coast- they want him to help decorate their new parks and maybe teach an art class or two. He's seriously considering it because even though he'd hate to leave everything behind, it would get him a little closer to Carly and he could use the money.

So if Spencer leaves, that would leave Sam totally alone, and I know that would drive her mad. Not to mention reckless; without us all around to keep her in check, Sam might get into some serious trouble.

What I really want to do is help Sam get a job in Cambridge and get an apartment with her. But that seems a little, I don't know, presumptuous? I don't know what she'd think if I asked her to move in with me... in Massachusetts. And usually, I don't worry a lot about money, but cheap apartments are hard to come by, so I would really need Sam to chip in, and she's not been very dependent in the past for such things. I'm running out ideas here.

I asked Sam today if she'd thought about maybe moving to Cambridge or trying to get into a school near mine. She laughed and asked what money she'd pay for all that with.

There was this brief instant where she looked like I'd stabbed her, shocked and pained. That look always crosses her face when I mention Massachusetts or M.I.T.; it's like she's in denial, trying to ignore the fact that I won't be here in two weeks. I wish I could do something, and I've been racking my brain for answers, but I can't think of a single thing I can do that will help Sam. Not one.

I've tried not to say it, but after more than a year and a half, the fatal words often come to the tip of my tongue and I have to smash them down again. I've said it twice before, but it seems so long time ago, and Sam was asleep so she never heard. I can't even say it out loud to myself, because it scares me to think how much I care about this girl. I don't want to tell Sam that I… well, I don't want to tell her something like that and just leave the next day. My mind is made up; my heart just disagrees.

Actually, that's a big part of my problems these days. The battle between heart and head is really frustrating. Technically, I suppose, your feelings come from your brain, but you know what I mean. It's logic verses love, and with me, logic usually wins.

There are just some things that are hard to come at logically.

I have seen Sam at least once every day for the past year, and it's getting harder and harder to leave. It's like an addiction, you just keep craving more. Moving across the country will be like quitting cold turkey and I'm not happy about it. Nor, I suppose, is Sam.

The logical thing to do would be to start seeing her less, so that it won't be as bad when I go, but the prospect of leaving makes me all the more eager to spend more time with her because I won't get to see her very much soon.

I can't stand that thought, but what can I do about it? I really hope I come up with something soon, because I have to start packing soon so everything will be ready when the moving truck comes to take it all to the east coast. My mom is hysterical because she's "losing her baby Freddiekins", and I've decided that is my silver lining. I may be losing Sam, but at least I'm leaving my OCD mother behind.

That reminds me of sometime a while ago when my mom went away to a conference and I broke a bunch of her rules, including the fact that I didn't wear a belt like I was supposed to.

Sam pulled my pants down in the school hallway.

Ah, good times.

…

**Thank you all for your reviews! Please, continue to leave suggestions and critique, I really appreciate it. I'm having trouble deciding on a particular direction for this story to go in, and I've still got I while before I hit the wall, but I need your ideas on how I should end this. Please REVIEW and let me know!**


	3. Community College

_Community College_

…

Sam is not speaking to me. I suppose it's my fault, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

This morning, I had to go grocery shopping, because our apartment was starting to look like Mother Hubbard's cupboard, and I didn't want my mom to replace everything with healthy junk. She's been working the night shift at the hospital, so she sleeps during a lot of the day and doesn't usually notice when I get groceries, unless I get some really unhealthy stuff.

This is a good system for me, because I don't have to eat anything too gross and I can see Sam as much as I want. It also helps because my mom is still not aware of my relationship with Sam. I'm kind of worried that if she finds out, she'll threaten to keep me from going to M.I.T. I got enough scholarships that we can afford for me to go, but I need my mom's help financially or else I'll be way in debt.

Anyways, I went to a Fred Meyer and got bread and pasta and fruit and stuff. At the cash register, there was a flyer for a "College Night" at our community college. There were tear-able tabs at the bottom with a phone number and I took one.

That was my first mistake.

I tried to call the number, but got the busy signal. I ended up making the number a contact so I could get rid of the slip of paper and call them again later.

You see, I had been thinking that maybe I could get my AA degree at community college and then transfer to M.I.T. That would help me stay closer to Sam, plus it would be way less expensive than four years at M.I.T. I wasn't sure how my mom would feel about it, and I knew that Sam would disagree at first, but she'd eventually get used to the idea.

I also called the M.I.T admissions to ask whether that would be an option, but nobody answered there either. I left a message and asked them to call me back.

So I finally took all the food back home, where, fortunately, my mom was still deep in sleep. I texted Sam to meet me at the Groovy Smoothie and she said she was already there and to hurry up.

I grinned and rushed over. T-Bo remodeled the place last month, so now it's like a really cool café lounge with couches and low lighting and everything. When I got there, Sam was hanging out on one of the deep magenta couches, her blue eyes sparkling.

"What took you so long?" she asked, and I just grinned at her.

She'd already ordered smoothies but by the time I got there she has already finished off both of them. Typical Sam.

I got one of T-Bo's new "couple smoothies" and shared some with Sam while we talked. I told her about some of the junk food I'd bought and stashed away in my room, and she told me about Rabia, her cat, stealing her FatCakes.

Last year, Sam's cat Frothy died, so I took her to the animal shelter for a new one. This tiny little white kitten with green eyes snuck out of a room and followed us around, and apparently had just the right amount of "Pucket-ness" for Sam, so she adopted her and named her Rabia, for no apparent reason.

Rabia is now one of the weirdest animals I've ever known. She is ridiculously hyper, and still doesn't like me. She is also way bigger than when we got her. She's lean, but big. She also has a funny notch ikn her ear because she got in a fight with a pit bull that belongs to one of Sam's neighbors. You don't want to know what happened to the poor dog.

Now, according to Sam, Rabia has started stealing FatCakes. She said that Rabia is such a badass that it was only a matter of time before she started stealing, but it really sucks that the cat decided to take her FatCakes.

"Only in your family", I managed to say before I couldn't contain my laughter any more.

It was during that short period that M.I.T. called. I couldn't get to my phone in time, so Sam answered it. This is what I heard:

"Hi! This is Fredward Benson's phone. Are you calling to offer him more scholarship money? 'Cause I think that nub deserves more, just sayin'."

I bolted up, but Sam kept out of my reach. There was a pause, and then Sam said.

"No, he's busy harvesting Marijuana right now. Can I take a message?"

My eyes went wide and I tried futilely to get the phone. After a long pause, Sam's face contorted in confusion.

"Transfer? What do you mean transfer?"

Pause.

"COMMUNITY COLLEGE?!"

She whirled on me, a murderous look on her face.

"Yea, I'll tell him", she said quietly before hanging up the phone.

"FREDWARD HENRY BENSON!"

I cringed.

"How can you even CONSIDER community college?"

This was not exactly how I wanted her to find out, so I fibbed a little.

"I'm just… uh… worried about… money. It's too expensive to go to M.I.T. for all four years so I thought maybe I'd-"

"Fredward Benson, you are the WORST liar I've ever met."

"Or made out with", I added helpfully.

She glared daggers at me.

"I am not a china doll, Freddie. Stop acting like I need you here to protect me. I can handle myself perfectly well- I've been taking care of myself for a long time now. I don't need you here. GO! Go to Massachusetts! Go to M.I.T.! Go become a better tech nerd! Don't stay for my benefit, because I'll be just fine without you. There's nothing wrong with me!"

Thant's what she said, but I could see that she was thinking about what happened last year. Sam had a really rough time. She had a one-night-stand with a past boyfriend after she found out that I was… well, I was cheating on her. She got pregnant- with twins no less- but after almost three months, she miscarried. She pretends that she doesn't care, acts like it never even happened, but I can see that it still hurts. I've tried to be there for her in case she ever wants to talk about it, but she never does.

We talked a little bit when it first happened, but after she got released from the hospital, she cut herself off from me and Carly and the rest of the world. I'm extremely glad that I was finally able to get through to her. The deal was that we'd keep it simple. It was like a fresh start, only Sam was really different than her old tough-girl self. She slowly regained most of that attitude as we dated, but she's still not quite the same. I wish I could fix everything for her, but she refuses to talk about what happened.

Every time I mention it, she storms off.

I guess this time, she could just see me thinking about all that, and that's all it took for her to go.

She growled at me.

"I cannot BELIEVE you, Benson."

Then she left the Groovy Smoothie, and I finally noticed all the people looking at me funny.

I excused myself and walked home.

My mom was awake and wanted to know where I'd been. I told her that I went horseback riding and then locked myself in my room.

Sam didn't call. I knew she wouldn't, but I had hoped she would anyways.

I thought about calling her, but decided against it.

I also didn't return the call from M.I.T. and never got around to calling the community college again.

All I've been able to think about is Sam, and how I'm gonna get her to talk to me again. I've only got a week and a half before I go to M.I.T., and it would suck if I can't say goodbye to her.


	4. Relationship Counseling from Florida

**I am SO sorry, guys! It's like 12:30 in at night and I just got home. Yesterday I went to a band competition that was 4 hours away, and was planning on spending the night and then getting back around noon today. But I sort of tripped down some stairs and sprained my ankle, so I had to spend most of today in the ER. Not exactly what I was planning on, but at least it isn't broken. Anyways, I'm really sorry I updated late. Plus, this is kind of a filler chapter, but it was necessary, so I might just put in an extra on Wednesday to make it up to you all. Enjoy!**

…

_Relationship Counseling from Florida_

…

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Sam, and wondering how I'm supposed to get her to stop being mad at me. I was up all night thinking, and I couldn't think of anything. At around four in the morning, I finally found the answer that had been staring me in the face the entire time.

Carly.

Of course- Sam's best friend would know what I should do!

So I called her. I told her exactly what happened and this is what she said:

"Community college? Really, Freddie? That's low. No wonder she's mad at you."

I gaped at the phone in my hand. Did she really just say that?

"Hey, I called to ask for your advice, not your judgment", I spit out.

I could almost imagine Carly rolling her eyes as she said, "You can't just magically make Sam love you again. It doesn't work that way. You've got to understand the problem and then correct it in a way that she'll notice."

"All I did was CONSIDER going to community college for a few years. I stopped considering; I mean, it's probably too late to change my plans with M.I.T. anyway. How am I supposed to make Sam notice that?"

"Freddie, you are a lot less intelligent than I thought you were."

"Hey!"

"That's not really what Sam was mad about. Honestly, Freddie. Get a clue. You got accepted into one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and you're going to be able to pay for that. Do you know how many people wish they were that lucky? Did you ever consider that Sam could be a little jealous of the fact that you get to go off to an amazing place like that? With the way you're acting, of course she's mad! You've been so unenthusiastic about this wonderful opportunity, and then you go and think about throwing away this once-in-a-lifetime chance for COMMUNITY COLLEGE?"

"Umm…"

"That's not even all of it. She feels like the reason you aren't going, the reason you aren't excited about M.I.T., is that you don't trust her. She thinks that after the whole Max ordeal, you're afraid to leave her alone because she might do something horrible- like cheat on you and get pregnant. She feels really guilty because that fear isn't totally out-of-line, I mean, she did do that before, but she's also really frustrated because she thought she had earned your trust back. Understand?"

"How… how… how do… how do you know all this?"

Carly laughed.

"Did you ever consider that Sam calls me too?"

"Oh. She told you all this?"

"I read between the lines."

"Oh. Well, I never thought of Sam being jealous about M.I.T. And it isn't that I'm not excited, I just don't want to leave her. I just hate leaving her here without somebody to talk to or hang out with. I worry about her, but not that she'll go and get pregnant. I mean, she's SAM. Without someone keeping her in check, she might get herself thrown in juvie again. I don't want to have to talk to her through glass and metal bars. Plus, she's still really messed up from what happened last year, and I feel like she needs someone to be there for her. If I'm not, who will be?"

"Spencer."

"Oh."

I hadn't thought of Spencer as someone that Sam would spend a lot of time with, but he would definitely watch out for her and make sure she was okay while we were gone.

"But I still don't know how to… how did you phrase it? Make Sam notice the, uh, correction."

"Show a little enthusiasm for M.I.T. And try to reassure her worries about why you weren't excited before. Stop skirting around the fact that you're going to be gone in less than two weeks. Acknowlege the fact, and make plans for when you're away."

"Ummm… how do I do all that?"

"Make it up as you go along. And stop using me as your couple's counselor. I have essays to write and tests to study for."

"Oh. Sorry. Thanks for your help, Carly."

"You're welcome. Tell Sam I said hi."

"I will."

And that was the end of the conversation. I mulled the words around in my head for a while, like a rhythm that won't go away. Ideas began to surface, but I couldn't hold on to them for long, because fatigue was gripping my mind so that it became hard just to keep my eyes open. I finally gave in to sleep and didn't wake up again until dinnertime.

I ate dinner with my mom, and then started writing down a couple little things I'd do. In an hour, I'd comprised a long list of small things, and it made me smile to look at what I'd come up with. I decided that it would probably be best to put my ideas to action in the morning, so I made some plans for tomorrow and looked up the few things I needed to know. Then I stared at the ceiling until my mom remembered that I hadn't had a tick bath in a long time and proceeded to chase me around the apartment yelling that I might have ticks. I finally ran outside and locked myself in my truck for an hour. During that hour, I stared at constellations and thought about Sam.

Finally, my mom had to leave for work, and I was able to return to my room. But I just can't sleep.

I can't wait to see Sam tomorrow.


	5. Tuesday Morning

**Sorry I didn't update on Wednesday- I wasn't quite finished with this chapter and had midterms on Thursday that I desperately needed to study for. So instead of updating on Wednesday, I'll just give you an extra chapter today. How's that? **

**Oh, and midterms went much better than expected. I think I did pretty good, but it'll be another couple days before I find out how I did. Fingers crossed!**

…

_Tuesday Morning_

…

I woke up early this morning, more than excited to start the day. I hate fighting with Sam, and now that I knew what to do and say to her, I had a very good feeling about the rest of the day. I snuck into my mom's room and pulled The Box out from under her bed. She'd ordered it six months ago and it's been there ever since. I'm not sure whether she intended it as a birthday gift or Christmas gift or maybe a going-away gift, but she'd forgive me for claiming it early.

I quickly put on my "Special Ham" penny tee, Sam's favorite, and a pair of ripped jeans I tore during one of our dates. It happened at a football game, actually, because I forgot my wallet at home and Sam insisted on watching the game so we had to climb over the fence that is supposed to keep out students. Sam reasoned that, technically, neither of us went to Ridgeway any more, and since we hadn't started college, we weren't really "students". I couldn't argue with that logic, but I've still had to hide the hole in the jeans or my mother will interrogate me, and she doesn't quite get Sam's thought processing.

I jumped into my truck, tossing The Box in the backseat and heading to Sam's house. On the way, I stopped at a Bargain Mart to get us breakfast.

I reached Sam's house and grabbed her breakfast, since I'd eaten mine during the drive there. I rapped on the door six times, which was our special signal. We agreed on a specific knock in case one of our psychotic moms was around- that way we'd know to rush to the door before she could get there. I wasn't positive that Sam would answer the door, but I was hoping she would rather answer it than let her mom get it.

My wish came true, and Sam opened the door. She looked kind of miffed about me being there, but not really mad. I'd given her a day to cool off, and how could she be mad when…

"A FatShake? And powdered doughnuts?"

"Powdered mini doughnuts", I corrected with a smile.

"This is a bribe."

I laughed, "Yes it is. 'Cause the only way you'll be quiet long enough for me to talk is if your mouth is filled with sugary food, and I need you to listen."

She scowled, but couldn't resist the lure of the treats before her. She led me to the couch with a sigh. I handed her the food and sat next to her triumphantly.

"Don't look so smug, Benson. If you don't say something worth hearing by the time I finish this…"

"I get the picture."

She opened the package of mini doughnuts and glanced up at me.

"Well?"

I leaned back so I could see her better, and started in.

"I came over to apologize. I was a total ass to you, and I'm really sorry. I guess I'm just freaking out because I'm nervous about the whole… moving-across-the-country thing. I forgot how soon I'm leaving; the date crept up on me and I panicked."

That was true- very true. I wanted to be honest with Sam, but I also had to be careful so that I didn't make her think I saw her as fragile, because she'd hate that. To her, that would be unforgivable.

Sam chewed her doughnuts quietly. She looked a little bit surprised that I'd mentioned that thing we never talked about: me leaving. It had to be done at some point, but it was odd to talk about it after skirting the issue for so long.

"I really hate leaving you, because I just don't know how I'll stay out of jail without you here to remind me to follow the rules", I said sarcastically, "Who will keep me in check when we're so far apart?"

A rueful smile snuck across Sam's face as she rolled her eyes.

"Plus", I said meaningfully, "I'm eighteen, so no more juvenile hall. It'll be real prison if something bad happens."

She understood. We both knew I was the only reason she wasn't in big legal trouble, it was just another unspoken fact. She was grateful, too, because as much fun as it was to break laws, she really hated juvie and was scared of having to go back. She didn't have the greatest inhibition, so I had to supply it, as well as fun alternatives to illegal stunts. It was a good system, but not one that would function if I was three thousand miles away.

"I was hoping maybe we could go out to a movie or something. You in?"

Sam had finished her FatShake and doughnuts, and she had started running her finger along the insides of the bag, picking up the excess powdered sugar and licking it off. I stifled a grin.

She paused in her pursuit of sugar and looked up at me. She tilted her head.

"What movie?"

"Whatever one you want."

She grinned maniacally, her eyes flashing. "You're gonna wish you hadn't said that."

I took a deep breath and ignored that comment.

We went out to the truck, and I stopped her just before she climbed into the passenger seat.

"Wait, I forgot something."

I opened up the backseat and pulled out The Box. Sam looked at it curiosly.

I pried it open and took out a grey baseball cap with "M.I.T." in big red letters across the front. I plopped it on my head and smiled at Sam, before pulling out the two other items. The first was a fluffy red teddy bear with a grey M.I.T. shirt on. The second was a large red sweatshirt also from M.I.T.

"Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Cambridge, Massachusetts", Sam read off the sweatshirt.

"What's this for?"

"These are for you. I know the sweatshirts a little big, but I hope you'll wear it anyways. You know, like if you ever miss me. I mean, I'm gonna miss you like crazy. It'll be pretty boring without you causing trouble for me. Do you think you'll visit?"

Sam bit her lip, but a huge grin broke free, and her eyes even got a little watery before she blinked it back. She took the sweatshirt from me and pulled it on, then hugged me and the teddy bear I held.

"OF COURSE I'll visit you, you nub! And I LOVE this sweatshirt, okay? It's comfy."

She took the teddy from me and I grinned at her.

"Movie time?" I asked.

"Movie time", she agreed.

She dashed inside to set the bear down and then we set off in my truck. We ended up watching a ridiculously cheesy movie that Sam chose, but I found out she only picked it because she wanted to make out with me. I didn't argue.

It was a fun date.

Afterwards, we decided to grab takeout and watch something at Sam's. Unfortunately, all did not go as planned.

"What do you mean it won't start? It's not out of gas is it?"

"No, it was almost a full tank. Ugh. I guess it finally crapped out. Great timing, huh?"

So we had to call a tow truck, and I had it take us to Sam's house. I knew the transmission in my truck would blow soon, but I'd hoped it might last until I left for M.I.T.

Sam and I stuck it in her backyard for safekeeping until I decided what to do with it. I jokingly told her she could have it if she fixed it and she said,

"Fat chance. I'm gonna turn it into a fort."

I laughed, and then we went inside to watch Men in Black.


	6. Six Days Left

_Six Days Left_

…

In six days, I will be in Massachusetts. I have six more days with Sam, and then I've got to leave.

I had to hire a guy to drive all my stuff to campus. For a regular car, it takes 48 hours total to drive. Since truckers can't drive for more than 12 hours at once, and they have to drive slower and take more breaks for gas, it's going to take about five days for the guy to get from my house to the M.I.T. dorms.

So I have to be packed by tomorrow.

That sucks.

Sam and I packed all day today. My mom's shift didn't start until early morning, so she wasn't even home to monitor me. It ended up being an alright day, but it wasn't the date I would have liked to gone on.

Still, Sam made a game out of it. She made the grueling task of packing kind of fun, and that's what I love about her.

Here's how it went:

I did laundry. I washed, dried, and folded my clothes, keeping only a small amount for the next week. Sam would help switch loads of laundry and she even folded a bunch, but she kept switching things around. Instead of seven outfits in my dresser, I had nine pairs of pants and several of my mom's dresses. Every once in a while, I had to check the drawers and fix whatever Sam did.

I also packed toiletries. Sam turned that into a game of ball. At first, it was like basketball; I'd pass things to her and she'd toss them into a bin. Then it became a game of monkey in the middle. She started retrieving things and lobbing them over my head and into the bin. I had to sit near the bin to moniter what she was putting in. After that, I left to make lunch and came back to Sam playing dodgeball. She threw things at me, which I sidestepped and then retrieved to put in the bin. Sometimes, I'd catch stuff and Sam yelled out "you'll never win with that form!" and I'd just laugh.

Then we started going through kitchen supplies. Sam adopted a horrendous Jersey accent, which she used to describe each and every thing she saw, and I had to figure out what she was talking about, and whether I needed it. For instance, she asked me if I needed "this fockin' sarecle shaped playastic thang with holes up in thare", which was actually a colander.

Finally, when we'd moved on to various things in my room, she started singing. I'd hand her an object and she'd sing a song about it. Sometimes, it was a real song, and sometimes it came from the strange depths of her imagination. Her singing was carefree and sweet, reminding me of when she sang at the talent show last spring. I tried to guess who the artist of the song was, and I was a horrible guesser. I tossed her a Galaxy Wars robot figurine for the storage pile and she started singing "Mr. Roboto" and I knew that it was a Styx song. But when my mom called (I ignored it) and she started singing "Telephone", I didn't remember that it was a Lady Gaga song. She even sang an Evenescene song ("Bring me to Life"), when I handed her some zombie movie, and I didn't recognize it.

By the end of the day, I was pooped, and Sam was too. We fell asleep on the couch, where we'd been watching Conan and snuggling, and were woken up by my mom coming home. We tried to play it off, like Sam was just helping me pack and we fell asleep, but I'm don't think we were really convincing.

My mom told me I was grounded, and I laughed.

"I'm eighteen, mom. You can't tell me what to do. I won't even be here in a week."

Then I remembered that it also meant I wouldn't be with Sam in that short amount of time and decided that I was going to make the next six days worthwhile.

Only I don't have six days any more. I've only got five.

…

**So this was a little bit of a filler, but I was thinking about what Sam would do if Freddie asked her to help him pack and this is what came to mind. It was a little short, but still fun to write, and hopefully fun to read.**

**How do you think Sam and Freddie should spend the next five days? **

**REVIEW! **


	7. The Unspoken Promise

_The Unspoken Promise_

…

The last four days have been so busy, I keep forgetting to write. I've been spending all my free time with Sam, because we have so little time left to be together. My plane is tomorrow morning and I don't want to go. I can't stand the thought of leaving Sam, and not just because I'm worried about her. I don't really like myself when she's not with me. It's not that she makes me a better person, exactly; it's that she keeps me from getting too arrogant or competitive. There is a part inside me that once thought I was the best, and would do whatever it took to keep things that way. That still surfaces from time to time, but Sam always snuffs it out. I hate that part of myself, and I'm worried that without Sam, it might come back. I don't want to be an arrogant jackass. I want to be the sweet romantic guy that Sam knows, the one that can actually let loose and have fun sometimes.

Can I do that from three thousand miles away?

I don't know.

To be honest, I am scared. Really scared. For Sam, for myself, and for our future. Long-distance relationships aren't supposed to last very long, and I can't stand the thought of losing Sam.

I can't figure out what's going through Sam's head. Her mood can change in less than a minute. She'll be really mad one second, and completely depressed the next. I don't know how to act around her.

Today, though, she scared me. She crossed an invisible line. Broke an unsaid promise.

That's why I remembered to write today.

Sam and I went down to the Pike's Place market today. It was almost empty, since it's a Monday, but there were a few people milling about. We stopped in the Skybucks- the very first one- and got enormous iced coffee's about halfway through the day.

I laughed when we left, because I had a sudden recollection of a "sculpture" Spencer made: A giant Skybucks cup filled with real coffee. Carly, Sam, and I came home to find him in it wearing a scuba mask, and he let us come in later that day. It was like a really awesome hot tub, and I suddenly wondered what Spencer could have done with it.

Sam, as if reading my mind, said, "The cup started leaking, so he had to run a hose from the leak to the window and drain it all. The floor got stained and Carly took the cup away so he wouldn't try and fix it. I think it's still in the iCarly studio somewhere."

"How did you know I was thinking about that?"

"I know you. And I was thinking about it too."

We grinned at each other and continued our exploration of Pike's Place. It's so strange without people buying and selling, street musicians playing, and those guys that toss fish around.

I bet Sam a hundred dollars that she couldn't get more than twenty bucks as a street musician on a day like this, and she set out to prove me wrong. For the first time since last year's talent show, Sam sang in public. And, as I'd secretly known, she got almost fifty dollars from people passing through. I knew that money was kind of sparse right now, but I wanted her to see that she was talented, so I handed over that hundred dollars with a grin. Not that I expect her to become a full-time street musician, I just thought I could instill a little confidence in her talents before I left.

That night, Sam refused to leave. My mom was absolutely livid that I had left without her permission, even more so because she couldn't figure out how I'd done it (picked the lock on my window). The fact that Sam wouldn't go did not make things better. I don't know why my mom though Sam insisted on staying, but she clearly couldn't get Sam out by force. She called the police and I urged Sam to leave, silently gesturing for her to meet me on our fire escape. She did, and I snuck her back into my room while my mom was slamming things around as she emptied the dishwasher. She came in to check on me, double checked all the locks, and then left for her night shift. Sam came out after that and we spent a while just chilling in my room, talking and whatnot, which eventually progressed to some mild kissing, and then turned into a major make-out session.

That's when it happened.

I was sitting on my desk chair, Sam in my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist. At some point, my shirt had been yanked off and thrown in the corner, and Sam was in just a green sports bra and basketball shorts. My hands were tangled in Sam's long locks, and her hands were pressed against my chest.

Suddenly, those hands moved downward. They touched the belt of my pants, and before I could pull my hands out of her hair, Sam had undone the buttons of my jeans and her fingers were playing with the top of my underwear. I finally got my hands away from her hair and grabbed her wrists quickly.

"Sam", I murmured, "you know we can't."

She stiffened and yanked her hands out of my grasp.

"Sam."

She was avoiding my gaze.

"Sam-"

"Why not? Why can't we?"

"Sam", I said again.

She pulled herself off my lap and crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously.

"I'm not pretty enough. Is that it? You don't want to do it with me."

I stood up and took her chin in one hand, forcing her to meet my eyes.

"You have absolutely no idea how much I want to. My God, you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I want to so bad it hurts."

And I did. I'd wanted to have sex with Sam for a long while, but knew now wasn't the time.

"We just can't do it after what we went through last year. I don't want to risk it."

Sam forced her chin away from me and stared toward a corner on the other side of the room.

"Sam", I said quietly, "It won't make me stay. I have to go."

She squeezed her eyes shut, and tears started dribbling down. Within minutes, her body was wracked with sobs and I pulled her into my arms, wishing I could do something to make it better.

Sam cried into my chest, wordlessly lamenting what happens tomorrow. I can't imagine what was running through her head.

"I'm sorry", I whispered.

I cradled her in my arms, both of us still shirtless, until she calmed enough for me to set her down while I got her T-shirt. I tossed it to her and threw on my shirt for good measure, making sure my pants were buttoned and my fly was zipped. Then I returned and pulled Sam into my lap, hugging her to my chest and saying nothing, because what was there to say? I had to go. If I stayed, she would never forgive herself and I would never stop wondering what would have happened if I'd gone. There was nothing we could do to make the situation better. In the morning, I would get on a plane and fly to the other side of the country. We wouldn't see each other for months. We'd both be miserable, but we'd cope with it because it was what we had to do.

"Freddie", Sam said quietly, once the flow of tears.

"Can I stay here tonight? With you? I promise, we don't have to do anything. I just want to be with you... one last time before you go. Please?"

I kissed Sam on the cheek and whispered a quiet "stay as long as you want" before getting up to put on a pair of lounge pants. Then I crawled in bed, hugging Sam close to me, and we fell asleep together.

I woke up around 1am, and Sam still slept by me. I wiggled out of the covers, careful not to wake her, and wrote everything down so I wouldn't forget.

Sam and I never made a conscious decision about when we'd have sex, but we'd kind of decided that it was best to wait, maybe even until after marriage.

The fact that she tried to reverse that now tells me that she's just as scared as I am about what's going to happen when we're three-thousand miles apart.

And my flight is in seven hours.

…

**REVIEW!**


	8. Goodbye

_Goodbye_

…

Today, I begin my life away from home. Three thousand miles away from everything and everyone I've come to know and care about.

I already hate it.

My mom woke me up four hours before my flight- one hour before I'd been planning to get up. She found Sam and I snuggled in bed together and screamed so loudly that I'm sure she must have woken the entire apartment complex. Sam would not be bullied into leaving though. No, not my Sam. Never.

She screamed right back and told my mom she must be a horrible parent if she didn't notice what was happening right under her nose. She said that no matter how loud the argument got, she would never leave without saying a proper goodbye. The noise they made was so much that Lewbert came up. He and Mrs. Benson tried to forcibly remove Sam, but she wasn't about to give in.

"GET OUT!" Lewbert was screeching from the doorway.

Sam snarled at him and at Mrs. Benson.

"YOU WISH! I WON'T! NOT NOW, AND NOT EVER!"

Lewbert surged forward to grab Sam and she socked him in the gut. He staggered backward, but recovered and approached again, screeching even louder than before.

Sam punched him in the nose, and blood went spurting out of it as Lewbert's noise level intensified. She threw him out the door, past a bewildered Spencer, who must have come over at some point to find out what all the hubbub was about.

Sam slammed the door in both their faces, turned to my mother, and said, "You wanna have a go, too?"

My mom had stopped screaming at Sam, but her face was turning purple with the rage contained inside. I'd watched everything unfold with mild amusement, and have to admit it was fun to see my OCD mom so flustered.

Sam grinned maniacally at my mom, before turning to look at me with a very innocent expression.

Doe-eyed, she said, "Well now that we've settled our differences, I'm going to take a shower. See ya."

With that, she flounced out of the room and into the bathroom. The door shut, and I wondered if she'd actually planned ahead and had clean clothes to change into.

"FREDWARD BENSON!"

I winced.

"…yes, mother?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT… WITH… HER?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"I happen to like Sam. If you have a problem with that, I can get her out of the shower and she'll, uh, 'discuss it' with you. I'm sure she'd love that."

My mom's mouth dropped open, and for once, she didn't have a single thing to say.

I walked away, to my room, and discovered that Sam had swiped my last set of clean clothes. I sighed, rolling my eyes, and threw on the outfit I was wearing yesterday. I packed up the last few things I'd be taking and went out to eat breakfast.

Sam was sitting on the counters- wearing my clothes, I might add- with a bowl of cereal and a spoon. Her wet blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail that dripped water down her back, but she paid no mind to this as she consumed mass quantities of Raisin Bran.

"Your mom went back in her room when I came out", she mumbled, dribbling milk down her chin.

"I thought she might", I said.

We finished breakfast together, and I said goodbye to my mom through the wall. Just as Sam and I walked out of the apartment, my mom dashed out and hugged me.

With a glance at Sam, she said, "Be careful. Call me when you get there."

"I will, mom."

She shot a glance at Sam again, frowned, and then turned back inside.

"Hey, mom?"

"Yes, Freddie?"

"Can I borrow the car? The transmission blew on my truck. Sam can drive it back here after I leave."

"Yea, I'm a great driver", Sam added, though she smiled in a way that made my mom gulp.

"Um… I suppose but… be safe, alright?"

"I will, mom."

She ran and hugged me again.

"I love you Freddiebear."

"I love you too. I gotta go now, okay?"

She ruffled my hair, sighed in Sam's direction, and went back inside.

Sam and I drove to the airport and she walked in with me. She stood with me while I checked my bags and walked me all the way to security.

"I can't go any farther."

"I know."

I pulled Sam into a hug, and felt how much she wanted to hang on. Letting her go was the last thing I wanted to do either, but I finally did pull away.

"I have to go, Sam."

Her eyes clouded over, and she tried to blink back tears. I realized that my own eyes were betraying the innermost pain and despair within me, and I tried desperately to hold it all back.

I was unsuccessful. A tear slid down my cheek, and just the sight of it broke the last of Sam's resistance. Salty tears began leaking from her eyes too.

"Damn you, Freddie!"

I grabbed her hand in mine and wiped away all her tears with the other. She clung to my hand like it was the only thing anchoring her to reality.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry. It's time."

Her eyes filled with sorrow and she sighed heavily. I leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss on the lips, but then I pried her hand away and stepped away.

"Don't forget me", she whispered.

"Never."

I kissed her on the forehead, and then I forced myself to go.

I got in line for security and tried not to look back. I did, and the look in Sam's blue eyes broke my heart. Everything in me wanted to stay with her, but I knew it was time to go face my future, live out the dream I'd had since long ago.

Only, it doesn't seem like an amazing dream anymore. More like a nightmare, because it's going to keep me from Sam.

I haven't landed yet. The day isn't over, but there will be nothing to write about when I land. I will go to my dorm room, wherever that is, and sleep. Maybe then I'll be able to forget how far away she is, how long it'll be until I see her again.

Maybe I shouldn't say that I hate my new life at M.I.T. yet, at least, not until I've been there for a while. But it doesn't seem like the pain in my heart will be less than excruciatingly painful, and studying at M.I.T. will be terrible because of it.

I wish I had a parachute. I'd like to jump out of this plane right now so I can get back to Sam. I'd land in the middle of the U.S., but I would walk back. Anything to see her again.

No more. This is life now. A life without Sam.

I've been trying to remember all the good things about M.I.T., but I just can't.

All I can think of is the look in those damn blue eyes of hers when I walked away.

…

**REVIEW!**

**Pretty pretty please, tell me what you think of this so far. What do you think will happen now? Will Freddie be able to move on and start a good life in Massachusetts? Or will he stay miserable without Sam? How will she fare at home without him?**

**If I get more than, say, 8 reviews, I'll put an extra chapter up next week.**

**ALSO: Is anyone else as excited as I am about the Doctor Who 50****th**** Anniversary special next Saturday? I seriously can't wait another week!**


End file.
